By Their Own Hand
In 2016, the Veterans Administration (V.A.) reported that after adjusting for age and gender, the suicide rate for Veterans was one and a half times greater than for non-veteran adults. Their study showed that 30 out of every 100,000 veterans took their own lives.
Many warriors view meaningful discussions about mental health and suicide as a sign of weakness. For every veteran that killed themselves, there are countless more that stopped short. Using photography and documented discussions, I want to explore those reasons why someone contemplated but did not commit suicide and create an opportunity for dialogue between veterans about the issue.
Each participating veteran provided a picture(s) they chose from their time in service. They also shared their thoughts and experiences dealing with suicidal thoughts. The veteran's own stories inspired each of the photos that I created.
Because suicide is a very personal act and thought process, each image is a collaboration inspired by the veteran's own story.
“By Their Own Hand” is a long-term project that seeks to offer a platform for veterans to talk about suicide in the hopes that one less takes place.
“... After my second deployment to Iraq, following the failure of my marriage, I felt lost. I missed combat. Back in the world and divorced, I had no identity. Sitting at the foot of my bed with the pistol in my hand, I had a moment of clarity.” Deuce", Major, U.S. Army, Retired - Operation Desert Shield/Storm, Saudi Arabia (1991); Operation Restore Hope, Somalia (1993); Operation Iraqi Freedom/Operation New Dawn, Iraq (2004, 2006-2007, 2010-2011); Operation Enduring Freedom, Afghanistan (2014)
“...Faith and my love for my family kept me from committing suicide.” "Dutch", Staff Sergeant, U.S. Army, Retired - Stabilization Force (SFOR) 9, Bosnia (2001)
"...I took my anger and fed it to the soldiers in scenarios of what I wanted them to do if something happened. I didn’t want nobody’s life to be on my hands again. I trained them to do exactly what I wanted when I told them to do it, and I made sure I would bring them home whether or not I came home or not. I would always be in the front. They would never worry about stepping anyplace I hadn’t stepped first." "Purple", Staff Sergeant, U.S. Army- Operation Enduring Freedom, Afghanistan (2008-2009, 2010-2012)
"...I went through a period where I became obsessed with it, though. I thought about it all the time. I could not stop. The longing was like being infatuated almost! I finally put a 9mm on my nightstand and told myself I could look at it in the morning and consider it ONE time a day. If I was going to do it, I would do it then. If I decided in the morning that today was not the day, then I wouldn't allow myself to think about it again that day. I went through that process every morning for about six months. I finally got past it and put the 9mm away." “Mama Bear”, Staff Sergeant, U.S. Army, Retired - Operation Enduring Freedom, Afghanistan (2011-2012)
“...My wife and my son are my inspirations for being here. Everything my wife does for me, even though I feel like I’m a burden to my wife and my son because of the issues I have, I would hurt them more for doing that (committing suicide) than staying here. Plus, I found two great organizations that help me give back to veterans and active-duty people that are going through this. Giving back and having my family be a part of that is what keeps me here.” “Old Man”, Sergeant, U.S. Army, Retired - Operation Enduring Freedom, Afghanistan (2011 - 2012)
“...I used to hold onto the thought of walking out into the woods with my 9mm and blowing my brains out. Now I look at the woods (&) I get to actually see what's out there instead of picturing me laying out there with a gun in my mouth.” “Old Man”, Sergeant, U.S. Army, Retired - Operation Enduring Freedom, Afghanistan (2011 - 2012)
